What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
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Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
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Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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