Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
ugly people sure do ruin things
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
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like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
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I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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