Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
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Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
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There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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