it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
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so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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