I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
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Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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