i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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