Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize