you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize