Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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