would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
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a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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