I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
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The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
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I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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