hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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