This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there were birth control emojis
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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