i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize