I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
well you can't waste a boner
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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