ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize