And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
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Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
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You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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