How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
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I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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