3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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