Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize