apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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