i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
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He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
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And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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