I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
