"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize