The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i now understand why vodka
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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