Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
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He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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