Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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