I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
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I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
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I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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