we have pet lesbian snakes
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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