i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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