Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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