Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
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so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
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So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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