He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Your penis caused this!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize