did you get engaged???
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
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Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
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Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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