you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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