So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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