watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just want to make out with him forever
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize