You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
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you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
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I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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