new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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