Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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