We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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