I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
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you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
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And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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