I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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