Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize