OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize