Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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