Your mouth is God's brothel.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize