do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize