Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize