I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I don't think brook has ever known best
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize